I do most of my talking with my thumbs.

I was chatting via BlackBerry Messenger with Hustle Mode’s Charles Anthony the other day, when he pointed out that in a world of BBM, text messaging, Twitter, facebook and G-mail chat, people no longer actually talk on the telephone. I couldn’t refute his point, because in the last year the majority of my contact with anyone has been through one of these mediums.

Remember when getting someone’s phone number actually led to dialing the number.   Now, when we get a number, there’s either inquiring as to whether or not he/she has a pin or debating if initial contact should be through a text message. How did we get to this point people?  When did we allow ourselves to dumb down our communication to 160 characters or less? Are we really that busy or have we simply gotten lazy? Read the rest of this entry »

“Come on and stir it up…”-Bob Marley

The music of Bob Marley always puts me in a sexy mood. The kind of mood where I am moved to turn the lights down low, burn some explicitly named incense, and revel in the bliss of his voice and lyrics. I spent some quality time with his music—immersing myself in songs that I have been singing along with since childhood. And while it’s hard to choose a favorite song from his rich and robust catalog, I’ve always had an affinity for “Stir It Up.” I find myself closing my eyes and daydreaming about the love of my life and what “he” will be like.

“It’s been a long, long time…yeah…since I got you on my mind…”
I want someone that craves me as much as I crave them. We’ll satisfy each other’s’ appetites—be it emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, or intellectual. He’ll be my homey, lover, and friend. My confidant and sounding board. And I’ll be his. Each encounter would be like foreplay, building sweet anticipation for what lies beneath.

“I push the wood…then I’ll blaze ya fire. Then I’ll satisfy your heart’s desire…”
I don’t believe in perfection, so I wouldn’t mind those moments down in hell as long as we were determined to work through them. I want him to make me laugh. I want him to make me cry. I want him to make me think. I want him to challenge me and keep me on my toes. I need him to love me just as much as I love him. I need him to have faith in my dreams, be my co-adventurer and vice versa. I want him to give me reality checks and keep me on task.

“Quench me when I’m thirsty….come on and cool me down baby when I’m hot…”
Simply said: I need him to stir me up.

“Don’t make me over…I wouldn’t change one thing about you”-Dionne Warwick

I can’t lie….I am given pause when I see the HOT NOW sign at Krispy Kreme.

God forbid you live somewhere that only has Dunkin Donuts. I used to live near the world famous Krispy Kreme on Ponce de Leon in Atlanta and it just so happened that EVERYTIME I passed by, that sign would be lit and calling out to me.

The point of that story is, if a man said, “Zette, I want you to give up Krispy Kreme for me!” I’d politely tell him to kiss my you-know-what. The man I get with will have to love me with or without glaze crust around my mouth.

An acquaintance and I were talking about her fiancé, and joking about the stereotype that African men like their women with meat on their bones. I was giggling until I noticed that she had this somber look on her face. “That’s not always true,” she quietly remarked.

I asked her if he had an issue with the fact that she was full figured. She gave me this sad look and replied, “He told me that he’s marrying me because of who I am on the inside and not because of what I look like. When we met I was smaller and although he’s dealt with my weight gain and wants me to be happy, he’d still like for me to lose some weight.”

I sat there perplexed. Before I could process what she’d just said, she concluded her story with, “I know I have to lose some weight to keep my man girl.”

This beautiful and talented woman was not saying this to me. I couldn’t believe it.

I don’t want to start talking in clichés, but the greatest love by far will always be self-love. I couldn’t wake every morning worried about if my man has an issue with how much I weighed. I’d rather worry about if my breath was fresh enough for some morning sugar—you know something that makes clear and perfect sense.

With spring in full swing, and bikini season just around the corner, are you willing to lose weight for your guy…or to even snag a guy?

Last week as I waited for my pedicure to dry…I started flipping through an old issue of Glamour magazine and came across this interesting article called A Woman’s 12 Firsts as an Adult. The list was actually pretty cute and included a woman’s first orgasm, the first time you took your guy home to meet your parents, etc. I’ve been thinking about it ever since and I’m going to do a list of a woman’s firsts. Here we go….

Do you remember the first time… Read the rest of this entry »

I try not to be “that” friend. You know the judgmental tell-you-what-to-do-with-your-life-because-I’m-coaching-from-the-sideline type of friend. I try not to be the friend that you love, but avoid sharing anything with, because you feel that you’ll spend more time justifying your decisions, rather than being facilitated a space to vent and release.

While I firmly believe that real friends are the people that both support you and challenge you to be your best, I also don’t think that friends are the people that you should be seeking penance from either when you make a relationship decision.

“Why is she with him?”—we’ve all said this to ourselves in regards to a friend’s significant other. And while I’m not the friend whispering in my girl’s ear, “Girl I don’t know about him,” every 5 minutes, I do want to be the friend that is honest enough to ask my friend, “Are you REALLY happy in this situation.” Like many, I often times find myself torn—because I’m personally disturbed by a relationship decision a friend has made—to voice or not to voice my opinion. But, I always question: Does my opinion of someone being unworthy or not the right partner for my friend have any strong influence?

Ultimately the people accountable to any relationship are the people actually in it. Yes as a friend, you want the best for your loved one, but you have to remember that like you, there are certain things—not of the harmful/abusive persuasion—that need to be experienced for growth.

See what the cast of ‘Think Like A Man’ had to say about getting relationship advice from friends:

I wonder how long whack pick-up lines float around in the cerebral cortex of a man before they are unleashed upon the undeserving world. Every woman has suffered through this experience. Picture this: You’re sitting somewhere, minding your own business when out of nowhere—with sledgehammer force—you’re hit with it: “Hey girl [insert whack line here].” After he’s done you feel like doing two things, either laughing in his face or backhanding him to whence he came.

I’m a tall and voluptuous woman, and in my experience the whackest of the whack pick up lines seem to all be generated from the lips of short men (well short according to my standard of short, which is anyone under six feet). That could just be my experience, but here are some responses to some lines still in rotation:

He says: “You married? No. Oh, so what’s your ring size cause you look like wifey!”
You Say: “And now I look like the one that got away as I walk away.”

He Says: “If I pay half your rent and all your bills…will you call me Daddy?”
You Say: “Sure…let’s start with you paying for this drink and work our way up.”

He Says: “I’ve been in jail for 8 years.”
You Say: “Well welcome back.”

He Says:“Are you a virgin?”
You Say:“Are you stupid?”

He Says: “Is that your boyfriend’s truck?”
You Say:” Nope it’s my girlfriend’s.”

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think all pick-up lines suck, just the vast majority. Ladies tell me, what are the best and worst pick-up lines that you’ve heard. Here’s what Think Like A Man’s Meagan Good had to say:

“To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part”—These words look familiar right? Of course they do. We’ve all either heard them or said them—more than once for some. But, do people really understand the weight of those words?

As a single woman, I’ve attended countless weddings, and I’ve heard what seems to be every variation of the traditional wedding vows, but it took me years to realize the true weight of those—thought to be—simple words of commitment. Especially the often dismissed: ‘In Sickness.’

Yes your man or woman might be the picture of perfection now, but what would happen if they lost a limb, or got a terminal illness, or became mentally handicapped because of stroke? Would you stay faithful? Read the rest of this entry »

My name is SueZette, and I am a reality TV junkie. Admittedly, nearly all of the shows scheduled on my DVR are reality shows. From Basketball Wives to The Real Housewives of Atlanta to Styled By June—the list goes on and on.  Blame it on my inner voyeur or my attraction to “over-the-top” behavior, if it’s a reality show, I’m stuck—and I know I’m not alone.

Once a revolutionary formula that focused on twenty-something nobodies piled into a home we know they couldn’t afford, reality television has now morphed into a medium that gives viewers a glimpse into the lives and loves of some of some of our favorite celebrities—for better or for worst. From Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, to rapper DMX and his ex-wife Tashera Simmons on VH1’s Relationship Rehab, celebrity love lives—or the lack there of—have become big business, and more important “our” business. But should we really be involved?

While I love to be “involved,” I do miss the mystique of old Hollywood—the times when you heard of Elizabeth Taylor’s love (read: lust) affairs, but you didn’t know details, nor were you privy to video clips. With celebs chasing reality shows (moreso the checks involved with doing one), I often wonder the affects of the camera on the relationship’s health.

Had Kim Kardashian decided to focus on cultivating her marriage with Kris Humphries off camera, instead of filming Kourtney & Kim Take New York two weeks after her nuptials, perhaps her marriage would have lasted a little longer than it did? Who knows. But it has to be hard for a couple to have an honest exchange with other people in the room—bedroom, bathroom, livingroom, kitchen and even the table across from you on date night.

In my opinion, the most successful shows, have boundaries. Case in point: Niecy Nash’s new show Leave It To Niecy. She’s a newlywed, but there seems to be boundaries of what is shown of her relationship with her husband, Jay Tucker. We see family bonding, but no physical im-strattling-my-spouse-on-the-bed type bonding (no disrespect Khloe and Lamar).

While it’s nice to know that celebrities are in fact ordinary people. The truth is, people in relationships ordinarily don’t have camera’s following them.

But does this mean I am going to stop watching? Probably not.

I am an emotional woman when it comes to dealing with a lover moving on. And while I’d like to think of myself as being akin to Angela Bassett’s character Bernie in the film version of Waiting to Exhale (I’m sure you remember the Mercedes bonfire scene, right?), the truth is, I’m more like Vesta Williams in her “Congratulations” video.

Flashback to 1988. A full-figured, big-haired Vesta is informed by an old friend on the street, that the man she once loved was getting married to someone else. Shocked at being the last to know, she runs (read: speed walks) to the church—in high heels of course—and enters the chapel only to belt, “Congratulations, I thought it would have been me.”

While the song will live on in R&B music—and karaoke—history, I’m very clear that I, like many women, have the potential and capacity to have a congratulations-style moment. We all have one ex that we’ll never be able to fully deal with getting married. No matter how much distance, time, and space there has been; the news of a lover you REALLY loved marrying someone else, will still ignite a jolt to the cerebellum.

Granted the sting is hard to dodge, but it’s important to remember why you and said former lover didn’t make it. Find solace in the lessons—good and bad—that were learned during and after the relationship, and utilize them toward the future.

If that doesn’t work, girl grab a 151 and coke, an Isley Brothers CD, and a box of Kleenex.

Congratulations, I hope you’re happy.

Congratulations by ice1906

In the tradition of fad diets and style trends, open relationships appear to now be all the rage among the Hollywood set. Academy Award winning actress Mo’Nique, and singer Jill Scott, have both professed themselves to be happily in, or willing to be in an open relationship. And while the whole notion of bringing a third party or parties into the physical and emotional affairs of a “committed” relationship seems a bit perplexing to us “regular” people, the idea of it’s dynamic being successful is rather intriguing.

I was first introduced to open relationships—known formally as polyamory—while in graduate school in 2006. My Gender & Sexuality professor was a self-proclaimed polyamory guru, who wasn’t shy about her lifestyle—she’d written and published articles in reputable journals about her and her husband’s journey. As I read her work, I constantly wondered, how “open” did one have to be in order to be actively involved in an open relationship? What were the boundaries? Was there a safety word? Read the rest of this entry »